If you’re like me, you can’t keep anything out of your mouth: gum, cigarettes, beverages, snacks — and my lovers always get the best of my oral fixation. Whether it’s their pussy or their cock, or even their ass, it’s eventually going to end up in my mouth. My drive to get off while getting a mouthful has made me research in earnest to be the best I can be. I’ve practiced, practiced, practiced, read books, watched videos, pestered dykes and fags and a whole gaggle of sexy, orally focused straight folks to compile all the tips and tricks under the sun. I wrote two books, The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus and The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio. But how, you must be wondering, do I engage in all that mouth-watering research and stay safe? Dear reader, let me take you by the hand…
Popsicles or pie: is it safe to just indiscriminately eat? Not really. Oral sex without a barrier — meaning a condom or a dental dam — puts you at significant risk for a whole host of nasty bugs who would be happy to make you their new home. And if your guy comes in your mouth, or your gal is on her period or gushes when she comes (as in female ejaculation), you’re at even higher risk for viruses. Sure, you could risk going down, giving a hot, on the sly pussy licking to a new friend, or giving head to the hottie you just met. But why risk getting something like herpes when you can get kicks that are just as dirty and hot with a little latex in between?
First, get your gear together. If you want to give great head, guy- or girl-head, you’ll need to have the slick tricks and techniques ready — and know how to use them. Nothing’s hotter than a lover who can slide a condom down a hard cock with their mouth, or knowingly unfurl a dam and press it right there. Whenever this happens to me, I get wet and weak at the knees, because I know I’m about to get done and get done right. Don’t forget that when you give head you’re the master of ceremonies: how you conduct yourself directly correlates to their pleasure. This is your party, you’re the host, and your partner’s body is your playground.
To Lick The Pussy
The barrier of choice for all epicurean cunning linguists is the dental dam. These quivery little squares of latex are actually used by dentists to isolate a tooth, and evidently some horny, sexy, orally fixated dental hygienist had the brilliant brainwave to see how they tasted on pussy as safer sex barriers. Dental dams are a little on the thick side, so the sex industry answered back with lollyes (though they’re all generally referred to as dams): larger, thinner sheets of latex that also come in flavors such as vanilla and strawberry. Glyde lollyes and Lixx are the tastiest and thinnest, though when in a pinch to get a mouthful you can cut open a condom or use plastic wrap (also good for those with latex allergies). I personally know that if you buy your safer sex gear at Good Vibrations you’ll give better head.
When you get your dams, you’ll want to spend a little quality time alone with them, just you and the dams. Candlelight and a nice dinner with wine won’t hurt, but the point is to get to know them before you put them in action. Especially if you’ve never tasted latex before — making a wrinkly latex-tasting face between her legs is a really bad idea. So take a minute to open up a dam package, dammit, and see how they feel between your fingers, rub them over your lips, and try a taste. You do not have to make yummy noises, but it might be fun.
When you’re ready for action and she is too, your dam will come out and you can brandish a very devious look in your eye. Smile wickedly as you unfold the agent of her pleasure. Get some water-based lubricant and drizzle a few drops over her expectant clit — even if she’s wet, the extra lubrication will make the latex transmit more sensation. But now here’s the tricky part: the lubrication will make the dam slip and slide around as you lick and suck her clit to your heart’s content, so try to keep a good hold on the dam. Some people discreetly mark one side with a pen as the “up” side, in case it slips. Keep extra dams handy so if you lose one and need another, you look as smooth as Dean Martin ordering a second drink.
When you get started, the clitoris is your new best friend. Make friends with the little man in the boat — but keep in mind that it’s incredibly sensitive in almost all women, so don’t go straight for it. Instead start your licks from the sides, in the furrows between inner and outer lips and along either side of her clit. As she gets more turned on, turn the attention of your licks to her clit. Keep your teeth covered with your lips: your teeth have to sit this one out. Start lightly at first, and really take your time. Remember, you want her to really want more, badly.
Stay tuned in to her reactions to the stimulation you’re giving her. If she seems to be pulling away from you, then chances are you’re hitting the right spot, but too intensely. Back off and move to another spot, then back lightly to where you were. When in doubt about anything, it’s best to ask, and you can even have her show you where she likes to be touched.
If she’s grinding her hips in your face or using your ears as handlebars, then you’re on the right track, and it’s time to establish a rhythm. At this point, you’ve discovered a spot that she really likes having licked, and that’s the place you want to lick in a steady beat. If the response is good — and an impending orgasm might make her quiet down for a moment, or tense her jaw or thigh muscles — then barely increase the pressure but not the rhythm. And don’t stop, whatever you do.
To Suck the Cock
When going down on a guy, the safest way to get a mouthful of lovin’ without a mouthful of risk is to use a condom. Unlubricated condoms are your number one choice, since lubricated condoms taste gross, leave icky lube residue on your tongue, and if lubricated with Nonoxynol-9 will actually numb your mouth. However, some flavored condoms marketed for oral sex are lubricated so be aware that you may not always have a choice, for instance, if you want to give strawberry-flavored head — Durex strawberry condoms only come lubricated.
You have many condoms to choose from when outfitting your oral adventures of the penile kind. Unflavored and unlubricated are the minimalists’ blank canvas — you just add a drop of lube on his side for extra sensation, and the rest is all you, baby. Durex clear unlubricated are cream colored, and Ria unlubricated come in a rainbow of colors: both have reservoir tips and are thin latex. Lifestyles non-lube has a wide tip that adds sensation to the wearer by providing extra friction. Lifestyles makes a mint scented condom (Kiss of Mint) that is unlubricated but coated with a thin, minty powder, making it the only flavored unlubricated condom on the market. The Kiss of Mint are extremely popular for giving head, both because of the mild minty flavor and because the condom’s head balloons out for that sweet extra sensation.
If you don’t mind a little lube, there are some great flavored condoms on the market. Trustex makes condoms that Carmen Miranda would’ve loved, in bright pretty colors and six flavors to choose from: banana, strawberry, cola, grape, vanilla and chocolate. Durex has three flavors (banana, orange and strawberry). You’ll need to try tasting them for yourself to see if you like the flavors, and I highly recommend trying them on your own before you try them on a cock — if you use Trustex cola condoms, you’re going to be stuck with cola flavor in your mouth (and nose, and throat) for a while after going down, so if you don’t like the taste you should find that out that beforehand.
Giving good fellatio to a real live penis is an art form, but if you really want to blow his mind when you blow him, learn the careful skill of applying a condom with your mouth. Grab a dildo or a vegetable (a reasonably sized zucchini or carrot will do) to practice on. Play romantic music, turn the lights down low, and make sweet love to your vegetable. Open the condom, and unroll it slightly to see which direction it’s going in. Lick your lips to moisten them, or use a little water-based lube as you would lip balm — but remember that the oils in lip balm will break down the condom, so don’t use your Chap Stick.
Place the tip just inside your lips, with the roll around the outside of your lips, and the condom’s inside facing outward. Gently suck the tip into your mouth to hold it in place, purse your lips, and using your lips as a seal over the tip of the dildo, simultaneously suck and push the condom down the shaft in one fluid motion. It might take two or three strokes to get the condom down the length of your dildo, and you can use your hand once you get it on. It might take a few practice runs until you’re comfortable enough to try it on a live model, but practice makes perfect!
When you’ve got your real live man ready to go into your willing little mouth, make it a session to remember by going slow, using your hands as much as possible, and pay lots of attention to his balls. Stroke them, caress them, lick them — some guys even like them gently tugged. (Never pull, yank, or slap — ouch!) Many men enjoy having certain places on their cocks touched, stroked or licked. Ask him what his favorite spots are, or see how he likes having the underside of the shaft, the ridge around the head, the spot on the underside just where the head meets the shaft, or the opening touched. Sometimes the head is sensitive to intense stimulation at first, so don’t jump in and grab, yank, or suck really hard. Go slow, and make him really aroused and desperate for more. And unless you know he likes it, your teeth must remain covered by your lips at all times.
Kiss, lick, and stroke his cock and balls. Use your hands to guide his penis in different positions as you lick him all over. Using your hand, guide him into your mouth, and let your hand make up the distance that your mouth doesn’t cover. This way, you don’t have to worry about gagging, and can follow the rhythm your mouth makes with your hand. Have your thumb and index finger against your lips, and slowly go up and down the shaft. Alternate with little pauses to kiss and lick as you did before, and this will give your jaw a break if it’s getting tired. But when he starts to get really turned on — and you’ll know by tensed muscles, a stiffer cock, and grinding hips — stay with your up and down rhythm. Increase the tempo slightly, but keep it steady. Stopping now is not an option!