My nose became a coffee-shooter when I saw this morning’s comments on my SF Gate / Chronicle column about sex toys (note: Sullivan’s Funeral Home is right by my house). Never has my column brought me so much joy! Here’s a snip:
shotzyreborn wrote:
Well I am too vanilla and too unimaginative to be bothered with accessories for myself but if they enhance others sex lives – wonderful! More good sex more happy people. I myself don’t have sex for enjoyment. I only do it for the free drinks. I mean you don’t have to be a religious zealot or a republican to be a prude. You should have seen me on my wedding night! “Freddie was furious when he’d found out I’d taken tranquilizers.”
booboobear wrote:
Well it’s not that you took A tranquilizer. It was that you took a whole bottle of tranquilizers. Of course, Freddie was a big boy, so tranquilizers were completely reasonable, but I digress. Or do I?
shotzyreborn wrote:
The best relationship I ever had was with a necropheliac mortician. I’m serious. It was great for him and I didn’t have to worry about drinking too much. Plus he’d tighten up my face for me.
booboobear wrote:
Oh is that the one who still fixes your hair over at Sullivan’s Funeral Home?
(…)
shotzyreborn wrote:
don’t you remember the melanie griffith commercials? Don’t lie about your age, DEFY IT. Makeup can get into fine lines and cake up and make a person look like a AAA road map. Do what I do. Use egg whites. It dries and pulls your face into a mask. Plus it smells horrid so people stand farther away from you so they don’t get a really good look. Also I can’t talk when its on which seems to make people happy.
smilie wrote:
milkie here. I am sorry to say however that I am having a hard time getting into these boards these days. No matter how outrageous or tragic the stories are (Oakland murders etc) I’m pretty burnt out. I thought I could rekindle my energy by changing my persona, but so far smilie doesn’t have it. I’ll give it some time. I can’t believe they actually axed you shotzy, what did you do? If anyone was going to get cut down, I thought for sure it would be booboo :). Mine was voluntary but I am thinking now it might have been a mistake. I miss milkie.
shotzyreborn wrote:
We miss you too uncle milkie. I don’t always agree with you but you’re a nice person and can be very funny. Especially on the topic of prison rape, which you are an expert. I am not quite sure why I got axed but the people I argued with the most got it right before me.
smilie wrote:
I don’t always agree with me either, shotzy. It is strange what comes out of my fingers sometimes. I am for the most part fed up with how things are going – it seems that the same old problems never go away. Sigh . . . maybe I’m getting old.
shotzyreborn wrote:
No I agree with you. Kids having kids and kids killing kids. It is depressing. Now I’ve learned that I have to give up chili for the environment. I’ve already given up Aquanet. I’m a mess.
