First, let’s do a little Thursday mailbag. I checked the mail, and what did I see… one copy of Evil Angel/Nacho Vidal’s Face Fuckers, their fist all-male video in what appears to be an all-male line. The mainstream industry is all wondering, is Nacho gay? Well, looking at the elephant-trunk-dicked Nacho grinning on the cover and suffocating tattooed men with his cock, I can tell you he doesn’t really give a fuck what anyone thinks… It looks pretty rough, too. Next package: another Evil Angel video, this one not mailed from Evil Angel, but sent to me from Adult DVD Talk — Belladonna’s My Ass Is Haunted. What a great title! Girls dressed as nuns licking each other’s asses. Now that’s cool. Then, the next envelope, three catalogs from a book distributor with a huge erotic book catalog, nice. After that, a slim envelope with another catalog, this time from Starr Productions. Whoah. I opted for the next package, a petite box containing… a Rock Chick! Sweeeet. Let the experiments begin!
Then I check email. An email from a major mainstream cable network that wants to talk about doing an experimental TV sex show. I wonder, don’t they know I’m not a Barbie? They do — producer: “We like you because you’re a new face and you have an *edge*.” I think he meant “wedgie.” Next, Mr. Adam Curry. I told him I’d stop calling him “Mr.” when he coughs up the RealDolls from so long ago… his email says he’s saving his money. Tony Comstock sends me a link to his new blog, where you’ll find hot pictures (stills) from his new film… I get an email from NPR asking me to do four radio shows for their “Indecency” series, which will be broadcast over two pirate radio stations and streamed over PirateCat. I agree to do “Porn Chat With Violet Blue” on 2/5 at 5:30, an interview about my work on 2/12 at 3:30, Porn Chat also on 2/12 at 5:30, and Porn Chat again on 2/19 at 5:30 (all PST). I start rounding up local porny friends to come say dirty things on the air with me…
I check messages. A big porn magazine wants me to write a column for them. I’ll have to find out what it is first. Funny story: Last night I was walking through the Castro and looking for “help wanted” signs in the porn stores. Things are getting kinda weird for me…
So I decide to do some work on one of my strange fun freelance gigs. A blow-up doll company has hired me to make their copy sound more palatable. Pays well and is hours of endless amusement, and a resource for the interpretive porn readings I’ll be doing in May at a benefit for Other Magazine. Here is some of the copy I write:
Officer Sukkit
She’s not very tough on crime, but this blow-up doll police officer with oral, anal and vaginal entries will be very receptive when you call for backup. Bad jokes aside, we just think that uniforms are sexy, and couldn’t resist a love doll that’s into role-play, too.
Chrissy Coed Cheerleader
She might be a little too quiet to take to the football game, and we don’t really think she made the squad, but Chrissy definitely has the pep to be the number one blow up doll cheering for your team. And with oral, vaginal and anal openings, you can make her try out as many routines as you can imagine.
Dirty Christina Doll
This blow-up doll makes us feel like we’re ready to rock–and whether you want to explore her anal, vaginal and oral openings or just want to croon “What a Girl Wants” by candlelight, Dirty Christina is very inspiring indeed. What’s more, with a rock star date like her you’ll never have to wait in those red carpet lines again. Bass guitar not included.
J-Ho Love Doll
Get your hands on the most coveted ass in the world of blow up doll celebrities when you pick up the superstar JHo doll. Oral, anal and vaginal entries make this girl "from the block" ready for action anytime, whether she stars in your own private Gigli or gets down with you in any position “on the 6.”
To my surprise, they accepted all the copy…
