I submit that in every unfunny, sex-negative rendition of the broke-ass “Porn For Women” joke, there’s a Sexy Geek List or a Hot Guys Reading Books struggling to be born in the flames of a super-dirty all-girl threesome between the engorged clitoris, the frontal lobe and the limbic system.
Sure, some women out there may prefer guys who do housework to well-hung porn studs with pencil mustaches and Fabio hair who wear socks when they fuck. But are there really only two guys to choose from? If there’s one thing life has taught me, it’s that true male sexiness comes in many flavors. It’s more than just a six pack (abs or Pabst), improbable hair and/or genitals the size and approximate shape of Florida.
True male sexiness resides in many places — including, may I point out, an affectionate appreciation for our furry co-tenants on this mudball. Guys who dig kittens deserve both your eyeballs and your Mrrrowwrr!’s. That’s why today’s Afternoon Eye Candy on TheBerry.com has an effect on this boob-obsessed correspondent roughly equivalent to the fourth quart of pruno on a Royal Navy midshipman.
Labeled “Random Hotties With Animals,” it features thirty-eight gents cooing with birds, high-fiving stripeys, bottle-feeding kittens, and getting dog-drool facials as the victim of Canis lupus nom-attacks, not to mention petting pussies that, from their frown-dappled fur-faces and worried kitten-eyes, need it as bad as any pussies out there.
Oh, and did this correspondent ever mention he once appeared on the front page of the Sacramento Bee‘s Living section wearing a falconing glove and holding a rescued barn owl? He did. This correspondent just thought he’d, you know, mention it.
I’d kiss both those faces!