I’ve learned HTML from a book as I’ve gone along, and this site is my first, so I had a nice morning when I woke up to a perky review from Jane’s Guide and some nice ratings. It made me take a little stroll down tinynibbles.com memory lane.
The good times (lots of praise from clever readers, interviews), bad times (too much wine, trying to update, and a denial of service attack on my server = a bad night) and the really bizarre (filthy propositions from Elvis impersonators).
And my goals: more oral sex, lots of good porn to watch, a refrigerator full of gourmet cheese — oh, and a web site full of thoughtful sex info. I’ve been trying to present sex and porn in a non-cheesy atmosphere, i.e., no New Age "this is stroking dewdrops of the passion lotus," or "goddess spot" crap, and no serious usage of terms like "a pop in the pooper," or "cum guzzling" (I hate the spelling, too). And no "nubs" — no way, no how. What’s a nub anyway?
But you can’t be serious about sex, it’s way too much fun. The faces, the noises. So I tweak my web site regularly, pinch its butt, chase it around the desk, make it file everything in the bottom drawer of the file cabinet when it wears a skirt to work, and try to make it — and everybody reading — blush rosy pink all over. I’ve been tinkering with ways to make it come up better in search engines, which is finally starting to work, but I admit that my secret guilty pleasure has been seeing how other people are finding Tiny Nibbles: their search parameters. So now, my guilty pleasure. I will share the latest words that get Tiny Nibbles rubbed by mouses all over the world — and keep me fascinated about what’s on people’s minds.
A sample of Tiny Nibbles search strings:
Porn for Couples: Couples deserve good porn. Why is it so hard to find? I have two articles on couples and porn, and porn for couples, but it really depends on the couple. Much of the "couples porn" made by the porn industry is utter soft-focus garbage, because pornographers think that the addition of a woman to the porn viewership equation means that they have to water it down. Not necessarily true. So it makes sense that couples are looking for quality porn to watch together — and I’ve got you covered in my next book.
Fellatio: Mmmm, I like to search for — whoah, I mean wow, what a popular subject. What a great subject. What a firm, lengthy topic. Sigh.
Oral Sex: Now we’re talkin’. These people are coming to the right place. Their credit is good here.
Rimming: Now, where in the heck does a fine upstanding red-blooded American girl find information about rimming? I mean, what a wholesome pastime. Back it on up!
I did write a book on cunnilingus, but my motivations weren’t all altruism — I wanted a dreamy, fantasy world where I got great head all the time, and all my girlfriends got great head all the time too. So, here’s to the future, one tongue at a time.
Now this makes sense. I live here. Though I bet that most of these horny searchers aren’t looking for the tiny brunette sex writer machine arts mechanic motorcycle riding bookworm who likes red wine, chocolate croissants and coffee in the morning, horror films and popcorn, and big big pranks. No, they’re probably looking for the blonde porn starlet who appeared around two years ago with my name (not okay), and who is very very blonde and a closet hippie (ew!) and sucked off a big fake dragon in Whore of the Rings. They’re probably disappointed. I am too. That dragon was so fake.
Tiny Sex: Hee. I love this one. But my girly hard-on for cuteness turned into a big floppy softie when I found out that "tiny sex" is a term for online sex, or "cybering." Not that cybering is bad, I’ve tried it and it was pretty fun anonymous sex, but I thought for sure that tiny sex was this. Or this. Or at least this.
What are you hoping to find when you search for nibbles? Is this a code for some cool weird sex thing involving marmots, molasses or sphincters that can chew gum? Can someone enlighten me?
Hymen Anatomy: Yikes. Okay, here’s what I think. I think that this is being searched for by either: a) teens who have lost their virginity and are panicking and don’t have a Planned Parenthood they can go to for answers; b) adult women who are experiencing pain during intercourse and are wondering if it’s the remnants of their hymen (hymeneal tags, everyone with a vagina has them); or c) REALLY creepy guys and I don’t even want to think about it. But how it leads to Tiny Nibbles, I don’t know.
Ah, the sublime contemplation of girl on girl porn. How dirty. After a serious spanking, they should be directed here.
Anyway, why stop with the labia? Shave the whole pussy.
