I get a lot of letters from sex toy (and other) companies asking me if I will link to their sites. That’s no surprise — my site traffic is remarkably high, especially for a site where I sell nothing, have no advertisers, and I do nothing to advertise or promote the site. The only things I hope people buy are my books, but I don’t make anything extra if folks buy them off my site. I link to Good Vibes because I work there, I believe in our mission, and I’m one of over 100 owners of the co-op. Recently a site wrote me asking for a link (as usual with no offer of reciprocity), so I checked ’em out, as I’m always on the prowl to offer new sex-positive outlets for goodies to readers. I really like their site and its design, the product presentation looks fantastic, the site navigation is excellent, and they offer some really fun toys my shop doesn’t carry — toys I’d love to try. They also have great articles, like how to hire a stripper for a party, and even decent oral sex tips I’d endorse. But I have qualms about a few things they carry — one item in particular — which brings me to answering a recent email from a reader.
The product in question is a lubricant sold specifically for anal sex that numbs the anus (and by proxy) the penis doing the penetrating). In a few places on Tiny Nibbles and as standard policy in Good Vibes’ sex ed safety, I recommend against using butt numbers for anal sex, and this sweet reader wanted to know why. You see, she experiences a burning sensation during anal sex, and plain lube just doesn’t cut it. The Anal Eze, or whatever, numbs the pain and she can continue — and it also masks important messages that the body might be trying to send. Unlike the vagina, the anus doesn’t self-lubricate, it’s a fairly dry zone that requires lots and lots of lube for penetration. The skin is very very thin and (ouch) tears easily, so if you don’t have enough lube, you risk injury — and you really don’t want E Coli germs in a cut down there. If you can’t feel the dryness, you can’t apply more lube. You also won’t feel the pleasure that comes when anal sex is done right.
I get this question in the store from customers on a fairly regular basis. A slight burning sensation is normal when you first start anal penetration. It should gradually fade and give way to fullness, rhythm and pleasure as you continue, your arousal growing and as your muscles relax. If it hurts a lot, or won’t stop hurting, there might be a few reasons why:
* You’re going too fast. Slow way down. You won’t believe how slow you have to go: it might seem like the seasons are changing around you, but trust me. If you’re doing the penetrating, go so slow that your recipient gets impatient and makes sexy demands.
* You need more lube. Think a 40-gallon tub of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter. Have towels handy. Try lots of Wet Platinum
* One of you doesn’t really want to be doing this right now. Hey, that’s okay — switch activities if your partner isn’t ready, or in the mood, or can’t relax due to stress or medication.
* You’re not turned on enough. You really need to be horny as hell if you’re a novice or nervous, so do whatever it takes to put your arousal into overdrive. A vibe on the clit (or a lubed hand on a cock) works wonders.
So don’t use the butt numbers — they’re dangerous. And the delay spray crap that some sites sell will just numb out your dick (and your lover’s pussy or ass), and it won’t make you last any longer. I’ll cover lasting longer in another rant… As for linking to that site, the jury’s out.
