About a month ago I read a cute little "road test" essay by Freddy (over at one of my favorite sites Freddy and Eddy) where he gets his hands on some Viagra and tries it out — wearing out cutie-pie Eddy in the process. I got turned on just reading it, wondering why it must be like to have a hard-on that won’t go away. I mean, I feel like that sometimes, but to have it be genuinely beyond my control sounded like a fun fantasy. And while I’d heard rumors about women taking Viagra, I still hadn’t seen or read anything about women taking it. While I was mulling all this over in my head, Pfizer (Viagra’s maker) issued a release stating that the little blue pill was in no way effective for women, and could not be used to treat arousal difficulties in women, and they were halting research on female arousal pills. If that didn’t get my spider-sense tingling, one of their statements surely did:
"Scientific tests have confirmed that women achieve most sexual satisfaction through the stimulation of their brain and not any other organ… A woman’s arousal is triggered by a network of emotional, intellectual and relationship-based factors rather than the simple physical response required by a man."
As if. That was all I needed to go buy some (expensive) Viagra online and see if the little blue pill could rub and stimulate my "brain" into a hot throbbing "intellectual, relationship-based" frenzy until I exploded my emotional factors again and again, or until my sheets were soaking wet. Coincidentally I had a doctor’s appointment to check on my post food-poisoning state, and my doc is a sweet older gay man who does HIV outreach work and is a fab resource for all my tricky sex-ed STD questions. So I asked him about women and Viagra, and told him that I’d read a lot about men road testing it but nothing about women. He said he’d heard nothing, but that physically it should act in a very similar way — which is what I’d surmised. With the clitoris being connected to two long, wishbone-like legs of erectile tissue running from the tip of the clit along the sides of the vaginal opening all the way to the anus, women *do* get erections when stimulated — it’s just not nearly as obvious as a penis. Anyway, he said, "What are you thinking of doing?" I told him that I was going to buy some online with my credit card. He said humorously, "Why don’t you ask your doctor?" I said, well, I didn’t think it was legal. He said, "Well, it’s legal-ER than what you’re thinking of doing!" So he gave me a sample. And now,I am still broke, yet the eagle has landed.
Everything they’re telling you about women and Viagra not working is bullshit. I took the drug on an empty stomach with a glass of water (as suggested), and since the packaging explicitly states that Viagra only works when you’re already turned on, I purchased a new, exciting toy at Good Vibes just for the occasion — the Power Pucker, a little vibrating clit pump. Clit pumps draw blood to the clit, and with the vibrator in the deal I figured I had a pretty good chance of "making" myself get aroused. Also, contrary to my job and reputation, I don’t always get aroused when I want to, or have orgasms when I want to. I was nervous, and even a bit more so that I had invited my trusted lab assistant Hornboy to join me in the dosing festivities. It was early evening on Friday, and it did feel eerily like we were teenagers "dosing." To relax and make a clean play area, we both jumped in the shower together and shaved — his face, my pussy. But before any amour could begin, my hot water ran out. Figures. But like little kids we ran down the hall to my bedroom and jumped in the bed, where candles and music were waiting.
Hornboy pulled the Wedge out of my closet, reminding me that I need to write an article about it and that I hadn’t been doing enough research lately… I ignored the reminder and hopped up on the Wedge, smiling with my butt in the air and back on the bed, tits pointing skyward. I think that’s when I began to first feel the effects of the Viagra, my face felt flush and hot and my sinuses started to clog, though I felt warm and comfortable. Hornboy massaged my breasts, and I asked… stuttered… "Can–you–" I looked at my breasts, and he popped the clit pump on my nipple and squeezed hard "OW!" I yelled. He rushed, "I’m sorry! I’m sorry!" I laughed, saying it’s okay, sometimes I actually stutter when my mind is racing, a leftover from my childhood. I said I wanted some lotion on my nipples, and suggested some massage oil from the GV Massage Candle by my bed, which, when lit, is an excellent hot oil dispenser. He complied, and the momentary heat/sting of the hot wax (turns to oil) felt luscious. I grabbed the candle and dripped the wax/oil onto his cock, which was now quite hard.
I put the wee little pump on my clit and gave it a few gentle squeezes. I was having a hard time telling if it was working — I was already in what I consider my secondary arousal stages, desensitized, feeling general heat and pressure around my vulva and needing more stimulation. I was also very flushed, rosy-cheeked, and felt like all the blood was rushing to my head, but it was also because the Wedge had my butt higher than my head. I pumped the pump and turned on the vibrator — Hornboy asked how it was, and I grunted, "not enough." He helped by massaging the rest of my vulva with lubed fingers, which made me toss the toy and go for the boy. He teased me for a minute playing his cock around my opening, and when he went in, I was *so* ready, and so incredibly wet I surprised myself. (Wetness is from the erectile tissues filling with blood and a clear fluid — a blood byproduct — being pushed through the vaginal walls.) We had intercourse for a bit before I pushed him off to grab my favorite and most reliable couple’s toy, a vibrating cockring that is strong and has given me many orgasms on the end of Hornboy’s trombone. I was feeling like a sex-crazed animal at this point, all inhibition was lost and I was hell-bent on having lots of sex — before putting on the toy I gave him a long blowjob, surprising myself by being so aroused that I easily deep-throated him and made puddles between my own thighs. I would’ve sucked a lavender silicone dildo into a dry husk if it had gotten too close to my mouth. When we got the vibrator on him and I got on top (the woman has to control the action with vibrating cockrings or they miss the clit entirely), I came so hard and so fast, I was astounded. And drooling. I was a sex zombie, seeking cock, not brains — I was definitely low on brains. I came again, and after sex, we had more sex and I came again in a different position, with no clitoral stimulation. It was definitely the physical effects of the drug; my "performance" was outstandingly different than usual in many ways. Of course, I’m going to have to do more field tests, for science. And try other versions of "male performance enhancers." But in conclusion, I’d say that yes, Viagra works on women, at least some women. Logically it should. I think it’s a weekend recreational sex toy, because it definitely takes a few (wonderfully wet and sticky) hours out of your schedule. If you want to buy some, this is the place. (I have no association with this site)
