This picture needs something. Don’t you think? It needs your love. Look, I’ve read some of the hilarious things you’ve written in my photo album (many times making my nose into a water/coffee/wine shooter). So here’s the plan:
Give this photo a caption. I will pick three hi-larry-us winners: the winners, in tribute to the (Bush regieme’s) Attorney General’s new promise to crack down on porn, will get mystery porn packages sent by me and will be featured here and on my front page. Mystery porn packages will contain all the lubricious promises that a package packed with hours of masturbation can possibly provide, meaning some good porn and some lame porn. Then again, one girl’s lame porn is another guy’s hot wank session… I promise that there will be boobies, people humping, grunting, sweating and spurting, there will be naked genitals rubbing on things, and I guarantee that every piece ‘o porn would make Condolezza Rice claw out her own eyes in abject horror at the sight of actual human beings celebrating being human, because she is a she-Terminator powered by tiny demon monkeys from hell running on little rusty hamster wheels within her hollow metal chest cavity. Ew, sorry I mentioned Rice and porn in the same context, ew, ew, (rinsing eyes with gasoline)…
So do it. Take your hands out of your pants for a minute. Just a minute — it’s okay, I do it, too. Tweak your nose (and other sweatier parts) at the Bush administration and win a weird/scary/hot/alien/mystery porn package from a girl whose books have been banned and targeted and protested by Focus on the Family. Think about it — what is Laura thinking? What is that man saying? Where should that alien probe go?
Send me: your caption, the name you want me to put on my site in association with your caption (your privacy and confidentiality are utmost), and any website you want me to link to. Then, if you make me cry and cringe and spasm with horror and delight over your caption, I’ll email you and ask for the snail mail address to send your mystery porn package. Special thanks to pjk for the pic!
