I just got a very gentle phone call from my pal Allen (The Thrillhammer) to let me know that AVNOnline ran an article about my teledildonics demonstration last week. It’s an ambrosia of information and possibility so cleverly combined that I’m really really happy that AVNOnline has finally decided to become a version of The Onion, but porn-style. Smart reinvention of a flagging genre. And guess whose picture they ran with the piece? Even despite the fact that I’ve written articles for them in the past *and* the author (Associate Editor) contacted me through my website before going to press?
The question is, what prevented AVNOnline from running the correct picture of me?
a) a painful childhood
b) enormous, bony neanderthal forehead makes picture comprehension difficult
c) dog ate it
d) “porn chicks only” rule in AVNOnline photo department; you should see what we did with the Ann Coulter interview
e) Satan Tom Cruise the scary clown God told me to
f) electronic ankle bracelet limits trips to Starbucks to use computers
g) can’t talk, we have to drink the Kool-Aid now
h) constant erections dreaming of winning Pulitzer writing for AVNOnline simulates persistent vegetative state
i) this is what happens when you make us mad
j) crack
