The phone messages are getting more desperate, the emails impatient, my friends are giving up on me… I haven’t been arrested for anything, but my life has been so insane I’m off the map. And tomorrow I’ll literally be off the US map — I’ll be on a plane to London, where hopefully I’ll just be drinking pints and staring at British people and catching up on all my correspondance and work. If you want to see what I’ve been up to for the most part, read the past, oh, couple dozen Fleshbot posts (with the V. Blue signature) to see where I’ve been…
But speaking of getting arrested, remember the lovely brass knuckle handbags made by James Piatt at Sundae Best (original post by ultravixen Xeni)? Read this: “Handbag featured on BB lands woman in airport security hell” Anyone want to bet it ends up on eBay?
I also decided to avoid work for one minute and get very drunk this weekend with some very kinky sex educators (and you know how they are in their off hours). I didn’t have hot sex with them (or any sex with them, for that matter), but I got to rub minty lotion on a cute girl’s butt after she’d been spanked (pics NSFW and offensive to most religious groups). At a certain point they said, “we’re all going to probably have sex in a few minutes and you can join us or not,” and Hornboy and I were a little stunned, so we adjourned somewhere else for backrubs and delicious inebriants. I dunno why I miss these opportunities when I have such raging fantasies. It just seemed a little too abrupt for me, or I’m a chicken, or both.
And pride — I never scored as I’d hoped to. I met a cute gay couple, and flirted with hot gayboys all weekend who pawed me pleasingly and bought me drinks, but nada. Having sex with two gay men has got to be the most hopeless fantasy a girl can have, which is why I have it. But then again, fantasies are often much better than reality.
My double dis: Morford ripping my erotic podcast top 20 list as not being “diverse” and too short (that’s why it was called a sample) and instead touting one podcast on Nerve. Hmmm. He writes for Nerve. The podcast isn’t free (mine were all free — all porn should be free). And diversity? Don’t even start with me. My list was not only free podcasts (as they should be, dammit) but were gay, str8, lesbian, trans, S/M, conservative, city/urban, cast from rural farmhouses… But no, I didn’t screen for race or class backgrounds. And I know that the “SF Gate Culture Blog” is all like totally brand new to blogging, so they probably don’t have a grasp of link ettequitte, but as I understand it, you typically don’t link to someone when you mention them within a post *only* if you don’t like them, or they do not have a site.
Dis #2: At the Annie Sprinkle event, after all the sex educators got lab coats except for me (no explanation), I depressedly went inside to talk to the staff, who were happy to see me. After a while, AS came in and asked if I was coming out to the table. I said I was caught up chatting and was on my way.
AS (to me): I heard you had a bestseller once.
GV Store Manager: Violet has several bestsellers. You can see quite a few of them on this “top ten bestselling books” display (motions to wall). You can also see them over there, next to your book.
AS: Oh. (to me) Will you show them to me?
Me: Sure. Here’s the series for couples, then these guides are being translated into French, Spanish, Russian…
AS: So when did they become bestsellers? Like right away, or did it take a while? Did you watch your Google numbers?
Me: Uh… it took about six months for the first one to hit number one on Amazon…
AS: ‘Cause I keep watching my Google numbers and one day they’re really high, and the next day they’re low, it’s so strange…
Me (walking us toward the door): Well, it didn’t happen overnight. It takes a while.
AS: How did they become bestsellers?
Me: I think the people that bought them liked them and told their friends.
AS: Ohhh.
I may never do an event again, I’ve just had it. Now I am tired and rambling, and must go finish packing. I am so excited to get away; London Boy (my host) has purchased us tickets for Torture Garden and I am oh-so-stoked. I’m also going to meet up with Emily, Saskia, and possibly this guy.
