One thing I didn’t expect when I first posted my call for nominations for the top ten sexiest geeks of 2005 was that I’d get so many (thank you!). But I’m glad I did. The world is truly a better place with more sexy geeks to go around, and this is my tribute to every crush on the math nerd, every Wonder Woman fan, every hot librarian, all the sexy hackers that mostly live in my mind (but sometimes in my social circle), and all nerdy girls and super-smart boys who blink a lot in the sunlight and have allergies to many common things — but all of whom are inclined to read the ingredients on a lube bottle. Which is *so* hot.
Geeks are sexy. Big, powerful, lubricious, restless brains are just about as hot as it gets — the brain *is* the biggest sex organ in the body, after all. I’m focusing here on computer and tech geeks; while sexy geeks come in all tasty flavors, I wanted to stick with the geek types I know are not just hot, but pervy enough to give the fantasies a little more fire *while* coding a script to run your vibrator in twenty more different ways via the web. I’m not counting celebrity geeks, as they occupy a more privileged realm than most and if given half a brain can buy their way into at least *looking* like a geek. Though there are a couple worth mentioning and you should look at their sites to see why they merit a GILF (Geeks I’d Like to Fuck) nod on this list: David Bowie, Wil Wheaton and David Byrne all have innovative sites and ideas, are totally hot. And let’s not forget my number one celebrity crush for 2005, Stephen Colbert was also nominated and he’s definitely the kind of guy who knows what kind of browser he’s using.
So, here come the GILFs. Some are single, some are not, and I don’t care — I’m just here to tell you how hot they are.
There were simply too many sexy geeks looking oh so downloadable this year for a 2005 top ten list. Nominated runners-up are:
* Amanda Congdon: cute and fun show — but did she do it all herself, and where’s the blog? Congdon was nominated by a reader, but instead I’ll take the news delivery and DIY sexy geekiness of Ms. Kitka’s KitKast any day of the week.
* Liz Henry: delicious ubergeek in oh so many ways.
* Lee Montgomery: a nominee said, “he has such a hackable ass” (and Jon Brumit, oh yes), both of pirate radio and other pranky hacky fame.
* Ken Goldberg: hot daddy UC Berkeley professor who teaches things like “Algorithmic Foundations for Robotics.” Don’t stand so close to me, indeed.
* Eric Rice: just a garden variety hot geek, if there is such a thing.
* Peter Radavitch: the ultimate dark horse candidate and an uber-sexy programmer boy — h4wt. Click both links and you’ll thank me later. I’m going to thank myself later, too.
* Irene McGee: She walked off MTV’s Real World in Seattle because of their crap ethics after getting hit by a male co-star (are we shocked?) and went on to lecture around the country about fakery in reality TV; now she has a kickass podcast — and she’s yummy. Total GILF; click both links.
The Top Ten Sexiest Geeks of 2005
10. qDot (Central Time Zone, location unknown)
Besides being the sole power source behind awesomely named Slashdong, which he considers “more about the porn of engineering than the engineering of porn”. Hottie qDot has tirelessly dedicated his passions toward all things sex and tech — most especially hacking slippery connections between Xboxes and dildos, and taking up the revolutionary cry of horny nerds everywhere and working earnestly to open source teledildonics, once and for all. On Slashdong he posts news and new discoveries about the true intersections between sex and technology and this year began work on what could basically be called Make Magazine (or Hack A Day) for sex — DIY tutorials on hacking sex toys for web use and more. I especially love it when he talks dirty, as in “we abandon the ‘nasty ghetto hack'”, and has great posts titles such as “The Defeat of the Pink Sparkly Buttplug of Doom“. When he’s not qDot, he’s Kyle Machulis, the founder of Nonpolynomial Labs, a research and consulting firm dedicated to helping UI and game developers create immersive environments using alternative control methods. He was nominated not once, but several times for this list, all by women who saw his photo and emailed me things like, “my sex life has gotten so, so much better since he started putting text on the web.”
(photo: Flickr qdot76367)
9. Irina Slutsky (San Francisco)
First of all, yes, it’s her real name (and so is mine), and she’s wearing it loud and proud, even using it as her stage name when she performs at Trannyshack. What — a sexy geek girl who gets on stage at Trannyshack!? You heard it right. This super-sexy geekette plays a hilarious geek-bimbo persona as the main correspondant on Geek Entertainment Television and is one of the co-founders of this awesome show — and it’s no wonder, since she is one of the main voices/writers at TopTenSources and writes things like GEEKSTARS, a list of uber-coders. She also writes all kinds of really cool articles as a Silicon Valley reporter, and she rocks harder than Judas Priest on Under the Radar Blog, but most importantly, she looks really hot in a corset.
(photo: Flickr Irena Slutsky)
8. John D’Addario (New Orleans)
This incredibly sexy boy — I mean, MAN — is not a coder or a hacker, nor does he create any innovative tech. But he is an important sexy geek in the tech arena, primarily because he is the sole force behind the creation of the most popular and highest trafficked sex blog, ever — he is the Editor and founder of Gawker’s Fleshbot. (Full disclosure: he is my boss and friend, and no, he does not know I’m doing this.) John ran Fleshbot solo until I arrived earlier this year, when he got his first time off since Fleshbot’s creation. Here’s the thing: in case you haven’t noticed, the web is run by two things: the trafficking of information and sex. Sex and the web are as intertwined as a double helix — and if you know sex on the web, you understand the world of the internet, what people want, how they click and shop, how to get and keep their attention and can predict the rise and fall of stars, sites, marketing techniques and every other way people try to become successful (or fail) on the web. John D’Addario knows the world of sex on the web like no one; he is a walking encyclopedia of porn site tactics, sex news facts, and his skills at being able to find anything, anywhere (and surf safely) are mind-boggling. It’s important to understand the value of this; sexy skillz for a sexy geek. Plus, he’s as handsome as the devil himself.
(photo: NickDenton.org)
7. Annalee Newitz (San Francisco)
With sparkling eyes, sexy specs, an ever-casual demeanor and the ability to look H4WT in the many men’s suits she wears, this Wired contributing editor and syndicated Techsploitation columnist isn’t shy about her interests in tech and sex (or that she packs a HUGE sex and tech resume in her slacks), though her understated persona belies this truth. As if all this wasn’t enough to turn anyone’s crank, she’s taught courses at UC Berkeley with alluring titles such as “Violence and Horror After 1930” and “Corporate and Anti-Corporate Culture”, she is also a Policy Analyst at the Electronic Frontier Foundation. Even better — when I once emailed her to ask if I could refer to her as a “sexy butch” she replied that she didn’t mind being called a hot anything, “…even a hot Bunsen burner”.
(photo: Flickr Laughing Squid)
6. Eddie Codel (San Francisco)
Webzine 2005 (and past Webzines). Geek Entertainment Television (“Why not, I was bored.”). The League of Pissed Off Voters. 
These are things that Eddie has made happen, from organizing people in his kitchen to putting up the websites, to going out with a camera and filming GETV — or getting arrested at the Republican National Convention for taking pictures (and then having friends geeky and fuuny enough to auction his bail off on eBay). Eddie’s gorgeous, his big sexy brain is even more gorgeous, as are his views on pranking and playing with everything, as seen with his work making big scary machines in Survival Research Laboratories randomly controllable from remote locations via the web — which he’s been doing for fun since 1999, along with working on our site, working on the machines and being a machine operator during shows. If there’s a “bubble“, Eddie’s coding bubble bath. (Full disclosure: I met Eddie working on the Tokyo show, and he might find this awkward, but he’s so easygoing I’m sure all will be fine.)
(photo: Flickr Eric Rice)
5. Josie Nutter (Seattle)
Josie Nutter is one of those girls… can this fantasy femme possibly be real? Nominated via email for two primary and all important reasons: by day she works on a secret project doing design and scripting for gaming company Snowblind Studios, and by night she’s an uber-hot Goth fetish model. It’s *almost* like someone designed her. A game designer who performs in burlesque shows (with acts like Glitzkreig), she’s also got a huge and impressive modeling portfolio and could most likely totally kick your ass just by flexing her little finger over an Xbox. Simply delicous.
(photo: Josie Nutter site)
4. Chris Wetherell (somewhere in Silicon Valley)
A nominee with enough geek + sexiness to leap search engine giants in a single bound, Chris Wetherell is a welcome member of the world of sexy geeks. A User Interface Engineer at Google, he has been called by some of the brightest guys in programming a “wizard.” I know lots of sexy guys I’d call programming wizards, but what do you think of Gmail? How about Blogger? The new Google Reader? According to my sources, it’s Wetherell’s work, one and all. But wait, there’s more — he’s a musician to boot, and is a drummer in two bands: Citizens Here and Abroad and Dealership (CHaA recently played at the Metreon and SF’s Virgin Megastore). And he’s gorgeous. GORGEOUS!
(photo: Flickr Mai Le)
3. Melissa Gira (SF Bay Area)
Several nominations came in for this brainy, sexy babe, and I concur will all my parts. She has a terrific podcast (Whorecast — check out her cool in-browser Flash player), does volumes of advocacy work for sex workers (including priestessing/presiding over a sex worker memorial service recently), she is a major voice, founder and force behind Sexerati, runs DIY webcam workshops, and she works on really mind-boggling projects such as her AnaisCam Livecast and BeautifulToxin. Yes, she’s also heartbreakingly beautiful, but she’s also unafraid to unwrap the layers of her life and show the world all the hard, sexy, smart, fragile, complicated and beautiful parts of being alive, being sexual and just plain being human. A sexy, *very* female human, that is.
(photo: Flickr Melissa Gira)
2. Jason Schultz (San Francisco)
Jason Schultz is an unbelievably sexy geek. A sexy LawGeek, that is. If there was a straight tech-centric version of Anderson Cooper, it’s Schultz, who is the handsome, smiley Staff Attorney at the Electronic Frontier Foundation and is the most tech-savvy, humorously scary smart, sex-positive intellectual property lawyer ever created by the Flying Spaghetti Monster. When he’s not expressing distaste about Diebold threatening college kids with bogus copyright claims and [Diebold] defrauding transparency and security requirements in state e-voting laws, he’s leading EFF’s Patent Busting Project. Prior to his amazing work for bloggers’ rights at EFF, Jason worked at a law firm where he spent most of his time invalidating software patents and defending open source developers in lawsuits. And dear jesus in a sparkly rubber thong, he’s funny and cute — see for yourself when he gleefully slams it to Sony for their horrendous practices in “EFF’s Jason Schultz explains how Sony BMG is about to be so pwned!“.
(photo: Flickr ioerror)
1. Xeni Jardin (Los Angeles)
It comes as no surprise, I’m sure, to readers of this blog or any BoingBoing readers out there (especially if you’ve seen the pictures), that Xeni Jardin surely reigns as The Sexiest Geek of 2005. A tech culture journalist par none, BoingBoing co-editor, regular Wired Magazine and Wired News contributor, NPR contributor (“Xeni Tech”) and much more — look at her bio to see all of her TV, radio and print/web tech reportage. Not to mention that she “has hosted, produced, and/or created tech culture events including Wired Magazine’s Nextfest, and the Investment Capital Conference (which, in its 15th year, is the world’s longest-running venture capital conference)”. She’s just not from our planet, but I’m glad she’s here with us for a little while so we can all ogle her gorgeous brain (and other tasty-looking bits).
(photo: Flickr ioerror)
