This week’s Chronicle column is a doozy, on many fronts. In Porn: It’s Not Just for Breakfast I spend an average monday shadowing the Behind Kink documentary film crews at local BDSM/kinky porn online mega-empire Kink.com; then I visit Good Vibrations for some very weird vibrations about their fear of the word ‘porn’. I tie it all together as a fine context for understanding CNN’s current porn hysteria, Nerve.com testifying at the COPA trials this week — all while Morality in Media and the Bush administration’s “Protection from Porn Week” is set to begin this sunday. (Photo gallery from the day is here, though sorry, no boobies!)
Right after I filed the piece to the Chronicle, I saw new press hit Google News, Anti-Pornography Week Starts Sunday, where “Morality in Media is asking people to wear a White Ribbon Against Pornography for the week of Oct. 29 through Nov. 5.”
A white ribbon. Think Bush will wear one?
I read that and thought… white ribbon. Okay, red ribbon is AIDS. Pink ribbon is breast cancer. White for purity seems so… uh… southern. It *must* have another meaning. There’s got to be some kind of intelligent design sense behind all this, right? Clearly, my answers were in the one community that has literal translations for wearing colors symbolically. So, according to gay hanky codes, the white ribbon will mean different things depending on what shade of white, and what side you wear it on. Here’s a helpful guide to keep you stylish *and* sending the right message:
* A pure white ribbon worn on the left will mean “beat my meat (likes to be jacked off)”, while a white ribbon on the right signals “I’ll do us both (mutual masturbation)”
* A cream-colored ribbon affixed to the left says “comes in condoms” (so no barebacking with those twink congressional interns this week), and worn on the right proclaims the wearer to enjoy “sucking the come out of condoms”.
* White lace (a lovely choice for ladies) on the right is for morality fetishists who “like white bottoms”, and our gentle lace lovers who pin their ribbons on the left want us to know they prefer “white tops”.
* White velvet ribbons look great anywhere — in front of the abortion clinic, Crystal Cathedral or Oval Office — and on the right will say the wearer is a “voyeur: likes to watch”, and on the left gracefully states the wearer “will put on a show”.
Read the article and see how much fun (of the trouble-making kind) I’m having with/at the Chronicle. No, they were too scared of boobies (and maybe overlarge electrified butt plugs) to link to Kink.com or Behind Kink, but I’m not worried about people finding the sites. And will I wear a ribbon? Most certainly, but I’ll be using this hanky code guide to get what I want.
