Image via Hegre Xmas gallery.
This is the weekend for holiday shoppers to rampage! And I’ve noticed a funny trend in the sexblogosphere this year, where instead of gift guides some people are making *guides to* gift guides written on other websites. It’s like so meta — so I thought for a minute about doing a guide to the gift guide guides: for example, Fleshbot’s is snarkily sweet, Viviane’s is fastidiously complete. Both lead you to pages of suggestions which may or may not be helpful — I thought of this when I put mine together for the Chronicle.
So, how about something that will actually help you select the right erotic gift? Finding toys is easier all the time, but picking the right one, or getting the right accessories for your fantasy is what’s more challenging. So, literally taking a page from my Guide to Sex Toys book, I offer ideas and tips for giving naughty gifts any day of the year.
General advice:
Is this a surprise? Slow seductions and planned fantasies are among life’s exquisite pleasures, but giving your sweetie something you know they’re not expecting — but want — makes for an unforgettable sexual tryst. But if it’s too unexpected, you might be met with shock, or worse. Make sure he or she has some idea that something’s coming. Giving someone a sex toy when they’ve had a bad day, are exhausted, or wish they’d showered before seeing you might make them feel awkward, or pressured. Plan ahead for a successful surprise, and make sure you’ve had some indication that they’d like to get frisky with you and a surprise sex toy.
If you don’t talk about sex or haven’t even broached the topic, a sex toy might not be the right way to get the conversation started; in fact, if the idea of sex toys is totally new to your lover and you give them a bright pink buzzing bunny, it might startle them so much it closes a door in your relationship for some time to come. Make sure you know they’re even remotely interested in sexual play or experimentation beforehand by talking about it. You don’t need to give away your surprise or plans for seduction, just lightly check in with him or her about trying something new in bed, just the two of you — this way you can fish around for anything that might be potentially “off the list” so you don’t wind up being a “bad Santa.”
More explicit suggestions on erotic surprises, and sex act idea kits, after the jump.
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First-time toys:
The key to picking out the right first-time sex toy is making sure you select a toy with enough options to ensure your lover can try a variety of different ways to get off. When buying a vibrator, your first impulse might be to grab a Pocket Rocket or mini-massager because they’re small, nonthreatening and discreet — they don’t look like vibrators. This might be a good choice if you know your lover is a little freaked out by the sometimes in-your-face way sex toys appear. But the drawback to a small one-speed vibe like this is that is has few options for the user — it’s mostly used for clitoral stimulation, so if your sweetie wanted to try vibration *and* penetration they’d have to get another vibrator, and because it’s only got one speed, that may not be *her* speed, if you get my drift. For first time vibes, pick a basic model that is suitable for both clitoral stimulation and penetration, and has variable speeds that can be changed as needed to achieve orgasm. Try a Slimline or a dual-action vibrator, both excellent first-time choices.
Sex toy surprise ideas:
* Before the present gets unwrapped, surprise them with an erotic treat, such as an aphrodisiac dinner, a full-body erotic massage, or read a sexy story together.
* Slip them a note telling her you have a naughty present for them later. Give it at your discretion.
* Give your lover a hint at what’s to come later — give them a note with instructions to get ready for hot sex later, leave an erotic picture with sex toys in it (like a sexy or vintage postcard) where they’ll find it.
* Treat your lover to a session of really hot, aggressive sex, then give them the gift after so they can think about the possibilities for your next round in the ring.
* Leave the present under your lover’s pillow to discover alone (or when you both slip under the covers).
* Tuck your gift in a bouquet of flowers.
* Hide the wrapped toy on your person and tell your lover to frisk you to find it.
Sex acts, and getting the right tools for the job:
* Masturbation fantasies, her: Slimline vibe, dual-action vibrator, bullet vibe, wearable finger vibe: variable speed vibes a plus.
Masturbation fantasies, him: Cock ring, masturbation sleeve, vibrating penis cup, Fleshlight, lubricant.
* Anal play: Butt plug, vibrating anal wand, anal beads, dildo: and lubricant, always.
* G-spot play, female ejaculation: Firm, smooth, curved dildo or vibrator and lubricant: can be glass, metal, hard plastic or firm jelly rubber. Variable speed vibes a plus.
* Strap-on sex: Easy-on harness, lubricant and dildo.
* Threesome fantasy with two people: Dildo with suction cup base that attaches to wall, chair or floor; sex machine; or harness that straps a dildo onto furniture or a pillow.
* Sexual power exchange: Restraints; sexual wearable such as nipple clamps, anal plug or chastity belt; blindfold; ball gag; remote control vibrator; teledildonic device.
* Being sexually “used”: Sex machine; face or body harness with dildo; extreme restraints; sex sling or swing; sex furniture; collar and leash.
* Bondage: Ropes, cuffs, arm and leg bindings; blindfold; bondage travel kits (sold at specialty BDSM stores); feathers and soft fabrics — or spankers, riding crop and whips.
Here are some recommended sites for shopping. There’s a lot, lot more in the book — have fun!
