Image of viral-gasmic Japanese maid and hillbilly infomercialing the male jackoff machine: watch the video!
I love compiling this list every year — especially because it’s an open acknowledgment that the most popular and unforgettable virals on teh intanets are usually sex-related: and since MSM is the living embodiment of informational abstinence (especially when it comes to tallying up what’s popular), it’s a great way to poke them and say, o hai, there’s this, like, Grand Canyon of media ovah heah…
Plus, it’s extra transgressive to have it featured (on the front page, natch) of one of the most (historically) conservative papers in the nation. And by the way, I never told you how much I ruled the *fuck* out of their traffic this year, but I did (many weeks, even beating out top national news stories). So, thank you for reading, and following me wherever I go with this crazy column, and all the people who love and support me at teh Chronic, without whom none of this would be possible. And the people who work there who don’t like me too (ahem, not invited to the SF Gate holiday party *again*), without whom I would not be reminded why what I do is important, for the opposite reasons they suspect. When journalism is afraid of controversy (or anything, for that matter), it’s all over, people.
Read it, and I hope you love it as much as I do: The Top Ten Sex Memes of 2007 has celeb sex tapes, Republican closet queens, sex crimes, scary jackoff devices, that guy jacking off in Wal Mart and more — and below I added a few extra hardcore links — (special thanks to Fleshbot for #1):
The sex meme is the ruler of the Internet. It violates inboxes faster than a drunken Hasselhoff, makes the blog rounds faster than Brit-Brit’s latest upskirt shot, and goes viral faster than a new media marketer’s MySpace wet dream. Sex memes are the ultimate in trendy, often sexually explicit and wrong-ironic — or just plain wrong. You won’t see them in Time’s top 10 lists, that’s for sure.
This year has been a crazed year for the sex meme, and while I’m as supportive of animal- and cruelty-free dildos, harnesses, lubes and whips as the next San Franciscan, Vegansexuality‘s wacky, tofu-licking babes and their PETA-approved new boobs are so two years ago.
Last year, I compiled a ribald list for Boing Boing but this year’s fresh batch of memes are ready for prime time, even though they’re mostly not safe for work (NSFW) and in at least one case, not safe for anyone seeking to avoid post-goatse PTSD.
Unsafe, yet as irresistible as slowing down to look at a car wreck … the sex memes of 2007:
1. Celebrity sex tapes that go straight to DVD. I hate to ruin porn for you, because I know it’s so believable and realistic. But those girls that get “picked up on the street” or solicited for “first time” on-camera sex are working for companies that have to abide by federal record-keeping laws surrounding documentation and contractual information. But we can pretend it’s never, ever a planned setup — that’s cool. I’m also sure that celebrities like Paris Hilton and Colin Farrell never saw it coming and are just victims of a ruthless porn-hungry populace.
And I won’t break the part to you about porn “lesbians” not ever celebrating Pride. Because I care about you, really. But this year’s C-list “leaked” celebrity sex videos got traffic even if they went straight to DVD, so on 2007’s scorecard of brokered “celeb” videos (thanks to Fleshbot.com‘s reporting support, you can find stories on many of these memes and much more on its very NSFW site):
Winner for most obvious: one-time “American Idol” finalist Jessica Sierra making sandwiches with some dude (her “leaked” video got its own Web site, jshardcore.com, on launch and had pre-publicity on TMZ). Oh no! Her career was so promising.
“Amy Fisher: Caught on Tape“ wasn’t as deliberately marketed as Sierra’s — I can’t remember whether the “Long Island Lolita” threatened legal action for real or just threatened to shoot someone in the face, but her porn dialogue and stock porn positions and posing suggest that she was the only one looking to get shot in the face when all was said and, er, done.
Kim Kardashian: If C-listers had backup dancers, Kardashian would have been a contender — until she rode the “celeb sex tape” pony. (…)
Link.
