This is not a test of the emergency warning system; this is an attempt to head off the endless stream of emails into my inbox about whether or not I’m going to Exotic Erotic East (AVN), Las Vegas, whether I’m free for lunch or dinner or if I’ll be around for interviews or to write about someone/their newest flavor of Gummi Boobs, etc., or can I cover it for their [blank press/media outlet]. I’m sorry no, I’m not going this year. I’m putting on the frilly see-through apron, the high heeled fuzzy slippers and the gardenia pasties (and lipstick!) to stay home and be Fleshbot girl; keeping the blog warm (and stuffed with posts) while other Fleshbotters are running around gathering interviews, photos, getting ill from the Vegas air conditioning and pornstar perfume and endless buffets. I’ll miss my friends (there will be a lot in Vegas) but I hate AVN (the magazine, especially) with a filthy, bloodthirsty, never ending vengeance-filled passion (and if you’ve seen the untrue uglyness they’ve written about me in attempts to smear my character — and pit me against my friends — over the past few years, you’ll know the feeling is quite hatefully mutual). Covering something I know well but despise could be fun, especially if I had a “fear and loathing budget”, but why go when Merkley‘s party is this weekend?
There’s still a slim chance I could hop in the car and go raid Jonno’s medicine cabinet and have messy sex with someone on his nicest suit while he’s doing interviews. But I think that’s what SXSW will be best for…
