Image of my pal Katie West two days ago at the Salton Sea.
We remain hopeful, but we know the state of sex ed in America is a flattened, empty deserted war zone of sexlessness. It’s been lain to waste by ideological forces who promote abstinence with government funding versus information about reproduction (science, or rather, fact, as the only means of communicating information in the face of moral sexual hysteria that permeates our culture). This is why when I’m at the hotlines, we get calls from adult women who have never had orgasms, kids who think they might have AIDS from sharing a towel, and teens who think they’re pregnant from their boyfriend accidentally ejaculating on their math homework. (Okay, I made the last one up, but it’s not too far from what we get on the phones.)
I keep saying it over and over, but besides my ‘abstinence is harmful’ message that’s starting to be heard, the fundamentals of sex ed fail because they’re always (hysterically) avoiding the truth: that sex happens because it feels good. It’s pleasurable on a lot of levels — that’s why we go ecstatically crazy doing it when we get the chance to enjoy it. My fundamental belief is that sex ed needs to be taught by both scientific principles (health, reproduction) and by pleasure principles — so people of all ages can understand WHY they want to do the things they do. When they don’t know why (that it feels good, and that it’s okay that there’s no one way to enjoy sex) that’s when kids and adult lose the ability to create tools to help them self-individuate their own healthy sexuality.
Can you tell I’ve been working at the crisis hotline a lot lately?
Anyway, I’m getting the headlines about Britain’s new sexual health booklet which tells health care practitioners who work with kids/teens that pleasure is an important principle in overall sexual health — and it seems so basic to me but I know it’s revolutionary. Not to mention that I’m also seeing American conservatives react in the press to it with total panty (knicker) -twisting horrified freakouts (see: local douchette, sfgate.com). They say this attitude will “encourage promiscuity” which is pretty much what we can predict them to say because they’re so sexually repressed they still actually believe in dated moral-religious shame-drenched notions like promiscuity. As if encouraging enjoyment of healthy masturbation to a teen is going to suddenly mean the kid will lose control and no longer know the difference between right and wrong and go on a sex spree of some kind. Talk about not understanding human social dynamics, let alone teen social dynamics. In my opinion, it just shows me that the anti-sex, anti-pleasure pundits are the ones who will enact their greatest fears and lose their fucking minds should they give in to a single moment of pleasure. They don’t have the decision making skills to know what’s appropriate and safe, and what’s not — because they’ve denied this type of understanding and exploration of sex’s pleasure principles from everyone else for so long.
The emperor will forever be naked.
Enough of my rambling. I’ll get you some porn in a minute (although my hot English Muffin ran off with my laptop charger so we’ll see how fast I can post teh pr0ns until he comes back). Here’s this snip:
LONDON (AP) — Britain’s National Health Service has a message for teens: Sex can be fun.
Health officials are trying to change the tone of sex education by urging teachers to emphasize that sexual relations can be healthy and pleasurable instead of simply explaining the mechanics of sex and warning about diseases.
The new pamphlet, called “Pleasure,” has sparked some opposition from those who believe it encourages promiscuity among teens in a country that already has high rates of teenage pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.
The National Health Service in the city of Sheffield produced the booklet, which has a section called “an orgasm a day” that encourages educators to tell teens about the positive physical and emotional effects of sex and masturbation, which is described as an easy way for people to explore their bodies and feel good. Like more traditional sex education guides, it encourages demonstrations about how to use condoms and other contraceptives.
Some professionals have hailed the new approach as a welcome antidote to traditional sex education, which they say can be long on biological facts but short on information about the complexity of human relationships.
The booklet suggests ways in which teachers can encourage sexual awareness and responsibility while teaching young people that sex is something that is meant to be enjoyed.
Steve Slack, who helped produce the leaflet as Director of the Center for HIV & Sexual Health in Sheffield, said one goal is to help young people learn to resist peer pressure and delay having sex until they are emotionally ready.
“Far from promoting teenage sex, it is designed to encourage young people to delay losing their virginity until they are sure they will enjoy the experience,” he said.(…read more, Google AP)
See also: Pupils told: Sex every day keeps the GP away (timesonline.co.uk)
Not sure you can compare the US to this since it’s not a national UK campaign (just local to Sheffield). At least one children’s charity (Kidscape) denounced the Sheffield leaflet. Hard to judge it without seeing it. Although, from my experience of working on local materials, the wording could be down to a few people’s judgement. National campaigns should use more pre-testing/feedback.
The campaign in England, ‘Condom, essential wear’, does mention enjoying sex but not in the same way as the ‘Pleasure’ quote. (See http://www.dh.gov.uk/en/Publichealth/Healthimprovement/Sexualhealth/index.htm for policy + campaign link on right.)
In Scotland (where health is controlled separately) a pilot around Edinburgh called ‘Healthy Respect’ also talked about pleasure but not as strongly as the Sheffield leaflet. In Glasgow there’s a good community project focusing on parents and young people called Talk2 (www.talk2glasgow.com). Scotland has just launched a national campaign about contraceptive choice for women but it’s general, not teen-focused (www.healthscotland.com/topics/health/wish/campaigns.aspx).
The UK NHS might be a bit more progressive than the US government but sexual health consultations still include religious leaders, etc. The biggest impact recently was from commercial TV – Channel 4’s ‘The Sex Education show’ (http://sexperienceuk.channel4.com/sex-education). It’s first series covered quite a wide range then the second focused more on young people/parents and against pornography.
So it’s still a mixed picture and, although most of these campaigns are pretty recent, the UK as a whole still has the highest teen pregnancy rate in Europe.
Contra Violet’s statement that “sex happens because it feels good,” I am reminded of an important article that appeared in the New Yorker, Red Sex, Blue Sex, in which the author shows that, for example, evangelical teenage girls are the most likely to engage in premarital sex that leads to pregnancy and the least likely to believe that sex will be pleasurable. (Jewish girls, oddly enough, are the opposite: they hold off their “sexual debut” the longest of any group and yet they’re most likely to anticipate that sex will be pleasurable when they finally do it.)
Most of them become sexually active because (now agreeing with Violet) they don’t know anything about it, even as the boy, who probably knows only that little bit more about wanting tab A into slot B, is pressuring them, and they’re too embarrassed to admit that they don’t know anything about it to put on the brakes.
The article is a fascinating exploration of why evangelical girls get pregnant a lot, why that’s actually “okay” (in some sense) to most evangelicals. It’s such a weird, mindfucked world, I’m glad I’m not part of it.
Sex can be fun?? That’s blasphemy. Thank goodness the Pope no longer has the power to lop off the heads of those who disagree. Well maybe he does but in a more circumspect and torturous way.
>>Enough of my rambling. I’ll get you some porn in a minute
Yes, I promise to read your perspectives in appropriate detail later. Right now I gotta rub one out to your friend and get back to my work. SUCH adorable nipples and birthmarks!
Storm in a teacup, really–no?
Effing awesome post. I have absolutely nothing to add except fist-pumps (no pun there) and hell-yeahs.