California wants to tax that ass

Image “Obey” by hirnpflaster.

This week’s column is about the porn tax bill a California assemblytard wants to make into law, pretty much based on the notion that porn is bad. I’m oversimplifying — a LITTLE — and I’m about to run and meet Thomas and Tristan for lunch after a night of little sleep and crunching on a hyooge book deadline, so I hope you enjoy the column that I’ve worked really hard on since I first read about the proposed “sin tax”. Only to be absolutely shocked at how gullible and ignorant politicians really can be, and the laws they can actually make based on hearsay. Scary. Here’s a snip from California’s porn tax: Violet Blue has serious concerns when lawmakers get in bed with fundamentalists for a ‘money shot’ (and I’m only half-joking about 80s porn, m’kay?):

If California lawmakers are going to levy a draconian vice tax on porn, it seems only fair that consumers get to decide what kind of porn should be taxed. For instance, only really bad porn should cost extra at the checkout counter. Is it from the 1980s? Tax that ass. Starlets with breasts that look like face-hugging aliens about to explode and kill viewers? Check. Does it feature performers who emit noises that prompt my neighbors to call Animal Care and Control out of concern? That will cost you extra, pal. Scary fingernails, racial stereotypes, formulaic Cirque du Soleil sex positions, using the same five guys that seem to be in every straight porn film? Definitely charge extra to anyone who masturbates to that.

I could really get behind this porn tax thing if it meant seeing less of Evan Stone on my desktop. But what Assembly member Charles Calderon, D-Montebello, wants to do to shore up California’s pasta strainer of a budget by pushing a bill to tax porn makes about as much sense as taxing films like “Das Bootie,” “Spray It Forward” or “Blowjob Impossible” to create a slush fund.

Calderon says his bill could raise as much as $665 million in tax revenue each year off the $4 billion-a-year porn industry (though a reliable source for this dollar figure has yet to be produced in any media quote). This cherry pie-in-the-sky figure would go into creating and fueling an “Adult Entertainment Impact Fund.” Calderon’s titty-tax is morally motivated: He would use the tax revenue to mitigate the cost to taxpayers of “secondary effects” generated by the industry, such as “law enforcement at adult venues, testing and treatment for sexually transmitted diseases and other social services.” Tom White, Calderon’s chief of staff, is widely quoted as saying, “There is a high rate of drug and alcohol abuse in the industry, STDs, mental health problems and pregnancies. The industry is such that oftentimes people get burned through and come out with nothing, no job skills or education, so they need job training or state services.”

Yes, Calderon — and his fundie cronies — want to tax your lube to save our schools. Calderon’s AB 2914 is sort of the anti-porn, anti-masturbation superhero: The 25 percent tax would be levied on strip club fees, pornographic movies, pay-per-view films, sex toys and more. A close read of the bill shows that the tax would be applied to anything that falls under federal record-keeping requirements under the (repeatedly struck down and continually challenged) 2257 Section 18 laws. (… read more!)