New ebook: Open Source Sex, the sex guide

thank you, everyone!

@ Moby — “open source sex” is a concept, an ideal (not a software product). here the the introduction to this book to help foster understanding of what I mean, and what I’m trying to do. and if you look closely, you’ll see that things like the content of this book are what I’ve been giving away for years; in this instance I’ve spent about a year compiling and organizing all the sex information I’ve been giving out through various channels into one organized, updated, easy to reference guide. it’s also shareable, DRM-free, and you can see that 13 of the chapters are hyperlinked to free audio versions of the text, under a creative commons license, natch.

anyway, read the introduction where I explain “open source sex”:

For Jonathan

Introduction: Open Source Sex Ed

One of the most common questions I get, when people ask me about the title of my podcast (and weekly San Francisco sex column), is — what is “open source sex”?

They’re not asking what a podcast is (anymore), nor are they indicating that my column might be a little unpredictable. It’s the meaning behind those words. I’ll admit that they were put together in a cheeky moment of discovering the mechanics of podcasting and needing a title for my content. But the message behind them is why I’ve been giving away accurate sex information online (and in audio from) for years. It’s the “open source” part.

I’m not a programmer, but some people have called me a “sex hacker”. But what open source sex means to me, is taking a body of information that has been commodified, locked-down, and made virtually inaccessible by interests ranging from politics to exclusivity agreements (sex ed DRM, if you will) — and making it accessible to everyone.

That doesn’t just include the idea of making something like an oral sex lecture into a simple, free downloadable MP3 (as in my podcast). That also means presenting sex in a warm, welcoming way that doesn’t make people feel ashamed about pleasure (whatever form that pleasure takes). That includes a non-judgmental approach to talking about taboo topics (like sexual fetishes) and not making assumptions about whoever is listening, or reading. All too often, sex writers and educators talk down to their readers and listeners, as if the audience is automatically wrong or bad for laughing, liking sex, or being interested. To me, this way of presenting sex is as outdated as the “guys in raincoats” stereotypes about porn. Yawn!

Open source sex also means that whoever my audience is, they can be of a variety of genders and orientations, interests and ideas. I encourage people to explore, but also to know that it’s okay to say “ew, ick!” whenever they want to. Sex is fun, and it’s also funny — and it’s totally just as okay to laugh at the adult man in diapers as it is to be turned on by it, if that’s what floats your proverbial toy boat.

Each human being has similar sets of sex gear, but how we use them is individuated through our experiences and desires. No two people will ever use a computer the same way, just as no one masturbates the same. No one system works for everyone, which is why I hope that Open Source Sex (the podcast, the column, and now the ebooks and audiobooks) can give people some valuable tools to figure out what works best for them.

The problem has been the distribution of sex information, and the type of info that gets distributed. Mainstream sex publishers only publish what’s “safe” (heterosexual, nothing too explicit, little bisexual content and a definition of “edgy” content that seems genteel). With the many sex ed books I’ve written, even though they’ve been bestsellers, I’ve come under constant criticism for not writing strictly to a heterosexual audience (while I don’t write for a homosexual one, either). Those critics have been HarperCollins sex authors, and other mainstream media outlets. I mean seriously — why does it matter if your readers are gay or straight? It should only matter to the reader.

Sex ed, in the mainstream, is frigid. In sex entertainment, media and advertising it’s all shock jocks and men’s magazines, shame and stereotypes. Nothing is real, or gives a realistic picture of how to get your partner, or yourself, off. In school, if it’s not abstinence education (shudder), you’ll get illustrations of the reproductive system — no one is teaching the fundamentals of physical pleasure without judgment or agenda.

I decided to do my part to change that, with my web presence. I decided to open source the amazing, accurate, non-judgmental sex information I was receiving in training courses at community teaching institutions here in San Francisco, (like the help hotline San Francisco Sex Information), peer-to-peer counseling and more. And rather than present it in the safest way possible, sterile and wrapped in unsexiness (like “advice aunts” or Ph D’s to legitimize talking about sex) or to put it in an inappropriate porn package, I decided to spice it up. With erotica, honesty, vulnerability, a loud voice about the adult right to porn and sexual pleasure, and a whole lot of silliness and fun.

What I got was a top podcast, and a whole lot more. What I’m doing here is taking that information — the nonfiction straightforward sex information — and putting it all together. This ebook is comprised mainly of Open Source Sex podcast transcripts, plus a heavy handful of bonus material to complete the information. Yes, you can still listen to the podcasts for free, and find almost all of the content in this book in text transcripts and articles (and blog posts) on my website. But if you plunked down a little money to get it all in this ebook, thank you for your support.

Within these virtual pages, you’ll read all about male and female pleasure physiology — that’s what the good parts are to touch, and how they like to be touched. You’ll also read about how they taste, oral sex techniques for fellatio and cunnilingus, how to shave, information about lubricants, rimming, what to do to someone you’ve just tied up, how to enjoy fantasies and fetishes alone and with a lover, how to erotically flirt, and much more.

I hope you enjoy this ebook as much as I have had the experience of a lifetime putting together the information. Now put it all together in a way that feels right for you. And when you get bored with that, feel free to reconfigure a hotter version, and say the last one was “beta”.

Violet Blue
San Francisco