Click image to see full post, both machines, and very large, clear images.
At Eros Blog, Bacchus has an incredibly fun post just up called Ancient French Fucking Machines that has to be one of the most whimsical, geeky and bestest posts I’ve had the pleasure to take my time exploring. He’s got large-sized, very detailed illustrations of very technically composed fantasy sex machines (French) from Agnes Girard’s “Le Sexe Bizarre” that look to be about a century old — and Bacchus got some text translation that just tickles me to pieces. One image is above, and here’s a snip from the translations:
(…) BOTTOM ILLUSTRATION:
Main caption: “FUCKING MACHINE”
Second line: “Superior replacement for the hand of man.”
Sub-caption: “On request the apparatus can be delivered with a reinforced main part. Special model for spinsters with a lubricant injector and a progressive speculum. Super model for retired whores, with a lemon-juice bath (in this model the main part only comes in stallion size.)”
Marginal notes above shelf: “Extracts for perfuming the pneumatic mouth” and “Coatings for the main piece.”
The various dildos have labels as follows:
Schoolboy
Re-engaged s/officer [sorry, don’t know what the joke is here]
Fiacre driver [A “fiacre” is a small horse-drawn cab.] (Small pendant sign below this empty slot says “in use”.)
Business traveler
“Dupanloup” — recommended [don’t know what Dupanloup is]
Stallion / “superchois” [best choice?]Various pieces of equipment are identified, including “emergency clamps,” an “enema pump,” a thermometer, a “pig-bristle swab,” a “butt sponge” and an “emergency corkscrew in case of the main bit breaking.” The bottles on the shelf above are mostly obscure to me, although one is “garlic oil” and another may be “potion for dyspepsia”.
The various parts of the machine, as best I can identify them from left to right: An “electro-brake,” a “hand crank for sliding the connecting rod,” a “sector for orienting the matrix” [unclear], a “main bit in rubber,” a “rotating tit-brusher with mackeral feathers,” [or, alternatively “pimp feathers”], a “dirty movie shower,” a “motor for the tit-brusher and dirty movie shower,” a “control panel with an indicator for the pressure of the fluid pump and thrust counter,” a “rheostat allowing the oscillation-rate of the main bit to be set between 1 and 15 times a second,” a “fluid resevoir (to the base of a dirty little greaser) capacity 40 liters,” a “fluid pump (stamped 20),” a “discharge valve.” There is also a lever labled “emergency brake.” Prudent. (…read more, )
