Hilarity

Image via Cut It Out You Guys.

Today’s accidental gleeful find: Sex Toy Road Test: Strokin’ with the gummi penis. I found it was when I was out on an *educational* foray. I swear. I just read these blogs for the artful prose.

Remember the first time you saw a beer-can cock with a big mushroom head? (Don’t get too excited—it’s not going in that end.) The stroker is like a big Gummi penis: It’s just over seven inches high and four inches wide, made of clear, phthalate-free thermoplastic rubber material. (…) Wow, I’ve never felt such responsibility while jacking off. It was like I was part of the Olympic crew team: I envisioned a coxswain (or cox for short—how appropriate) behind my couch, shouting “Stroke! Stroke!” and backed by a group of equally enthusiastic cheerleaders shaking come-colored pom-poms as they also offered encouragement: “Gimme an S! Gimme a T!” So I took a deep breath, cleared my mind, and focused on the task at (ahem) hand.

(…) The stroker is like a bodyguard, a Sumo fat suit for your cock just screaming for attention. I suddenly became Mike Tyson, and my cock was, um, any woman. My Weeble wobbled, but he always came back up for more—this was the most fun I had with the gadget. After my third jack-off, I noticed this on the box: “Intended for use as a novelty product only.” Fearing I should have just wrapped it up as a bachelor party gift, I nervously waited to see if my peter turned green. (…read more, blog.unzipped.net)