Finally released from its print-only cage, the article I wrote for UK’s fab Bizarre Magazine has been published online in all its cheeky glory. Enjoy The Pornasaurus. It’s online now most likely because the new issue is out (above, with Stoya), and I have a bunch of future porn predictions in that issue as well. I’m delighted to share this with you: you’ll like the whimsey and tone, all terms are real, and the Britishisms in the writing came from me. Not bad for an American, I think. Note that they don’t use the term ATM for cash machines over there…
A friend who works in a local (gay male) porn studio commented that when version 2.0 of this comes out, I should be sure to add “HOP Hard-On Problems. DM Douching Mishap. And the best one: TDM-15 Terrible Douching Mishap-15min Break” Snip:
Alt.porn n Rebels without a paycheck; tattooed girls in stripy socks ‘giving it to the man’ with their punk rock attitudes and facial piercings, while the man gives it to them.
ATM abr 1 Automatic Teller Machine n 2 Ass-To-Mouth v Where starlets get cash. When an object or penis penetrates the anus and goes directly to the mouth of the anus’ owner. We’re sure it tastes just like money.
Back Spackle n When a man pulls out of a girl in doggy style position and releases his wall paste onto her back: something that can give you ‘builders’ elbow’.
Bareback, Barebacking v When you pillage her village and invade her Roman tunnel without a Trojan.
Bear n A large hairy gay man. Usually friendly, unless you get between him and his food in the wild.
BBW abr Big Beautiful Woman n When a girl is the biggest porn star in the video because she has ‘big bones’. Porn with large girls and men who use their vaginas for shade.
Bukkake n When a group of men ejaculate on a solo female and tell her it’s raining. Typically, the liquid is administered to a specific area such as face, mouth or body. Usually considered rude because the men don’t buy her a drink first. (…read more, bizarremag.com)
Looks like a not-so-good dictionary. I was told when I was a child that you don’t start definitions with “when…”