Trojan’s “For No One’s Pleasure” Condoms

The Onion, making us cringe and laugh at the same time, as usual. Trojan Introduces ‘No One’s Pleasure’ Condoms For Bitter, Resentful Couples:

(…) According to a Trojan press release, No One’s Pleasure condoms feature a quarter-inch-thick layer of non-lubricated latex with a unique abrasive texture that creates a variety of stinging sensations “for both him and her.” The company statement goes on to explain that the product magnifies personal insecurities and awakens deep-seated, unresolved relationship issues that are “sure to raise passions and quicken your pulse.”

The cutting-edge prophylactics are also extremely tapered at their base and tip, which Trojan engineers said induces premature ejaculation and provides longer-lasting hostility and alienation.

Lead designer Benjamin Walton said the bulky, ill-fitting sheaths greatly constrict the movement of any man who wears them and when used correctly are 98 percent effective at preventing vaginal penetration. (…read more, theonion.com, thanks DD!)