It’s the kind of sleaze that makes me want to scrape my flesh with a strigil. And it looks like it may lead to the most collectible issue of Playboy in decades, which could conceivably hit the stands with the ex-future-ex-Mrs. Hugh Hefner on the cover with, erroneously, one of the ex’s missing.
The Twitterverse is aflutter with the drama surrounding Hefner now-ex-fiancee Crystal Harris, who herself has been Tweeting up a storm left Hef at the altar…well, not quite at the altar, but five days before their wedding. This was apparently too late to keep Crystal off the cover of the July Playboy, which a story on Fox claims has already shipped to stores.
Crystal’s being on the cover of the July Playboy certainly seems like Playboy‘s style. However, I can’t find a single image of the cover — which makes me as suspicious of Fox’s report as I am of Crystal’s comedic timing in this Funny or Die video.
Regardless, the revelation that Crystal was leaving Hef happened to come the same day Crystal’s annoying single “Club Queen” was released, and Hef himself (who was, at the time, busy being comforted by his ex-girlfriend and his ex-wife) retweeted Crystal’s unbelievably sleazy invitation just after noon on the 13th:
As a gift to my beautiful fans, listen to the whole song #ClubQueen before it drops at midnight at http://iloveclubqueen.com
…about 24 hours before he tweeted “The wedding is off. Crystal has had a change of heart.” No, seriously! Here’s what it looks like in Hef’s account:
That hashtag #ClubQueen delivers to your eyeballs an avalanche of mind-numbing vapidity, half of which sounds like publicist-generated buzz…but then, I’m not the type to tweet about standard-issue pop, so who knows? Maybe people really do “luv” it and that’s the most they can say in 140 characters.
Of course, if you go to Crystal’s Tweetspew, you’re treated to a string of presumably straight guys saying they hope she’s all right. To tell you the truth…I hope they’re all right. These guys are trying to put the moves on the ex-future-ex-Mrs. Hugh Hefner…by Twitter. I really hope they’re all right, but so far it doesn’t look good.
The timing of Crystal’s ditch, of course, stinks of frontal-lobe-scalding sleaze. I may need to spray Solarcaine up my nose in an attempt to dull the brain pain.
But it gets worse; in addition to the claim that she was cheating on Hef with Dr. Phil’s son (!?!?), it’s been widely reported that Crystal planned to leave Hef all along — preferably at the altar, and during the reality special that was being filmed of the wedding — in return for a $500,000 payment from some tabloid news source for her story. The problem? She couldn’t get anything close to an offer that matched her “artistic vision” for her bank account, so it looks like she opted to ditch Hef the day before her single “dropped” “at midnight.”
In a strange tidbit of old-media history that bears bizarre relevance here, “Dropped” is a term derived from “drop-ship,” a music industry (or any consumer manufacturing industry) term for the day something goes on sale. As it’s been adopted as an on-sale date, it’s grossly missused, in the sense that the day something goes on sale is very different than when it would have drop-shipped…which might have been months before, or how exactly would it be in the stores. (Also, UPS doesn’t show up to receive stuff “at midnight.) New media music distribution has adopted the term “drop” to mean “goes on sale,” even though the only thing that now “drops” is Crystal Harris, off the face of the earth, when her fifteen minutes are up…probably in about ninety seconds, is my guess.
But did someone mention something about drop-shipping and the day things end up in the stores? the revelation that Crystal had ditched Hef also came after the new Playboy has shipped, featuring Crystal on the cover as “The New Mrs. Hefner”. In a story from Fox’s “Hot Shots” section this morning (annoying hard-returns stripped out for your reading convenience):
Looks like the new Playboy magazine could be a collector’s item.
Here’s why.
Crystal Harris left her octogenarian fiance Hugh Hefner on Tuesday, five days before their wedding.
Unfortunately, magazines have a pretty long lead time, so the July Playboy, which was to hit newsstands the weekend of their wedding, is already in the trucks.
It’s coverline, according to the New York Post? America’s Princess: Introducing Mrs. Crystal Hefner.
[Link.]
TMZ.com claimed in their article that Crystal’s beef with Hef occurred because she was “fed up with the couple hundred dollar a week allowance, a claim Hefner refuted on Twitter. He also said he and Crystal had not had a “nasty argument,” as TMZ claimed. But numerous news sources re-re-re-reporting the news of Hef’s Tweet painted his comments on her single as a “dig,” which I don’t really see (I think they’re putting words in Hef’s mouth, frankly).
Regardless, Crystal is clearly manufacturing some Heftastic drama — and I am far from sure it’s not with the help of Hef’s publicists. At the very least, Hugh Hefner is facilitating her attempted self-catapult into fame.
But hey, what do I know? Clearly, I’m behind the times. I’ve never even tried to seduce a female celebrity by Twitter, not even when I’m sorely tempted.
TV show looking like he might marry… but doesn’t. Articles abound, increasing sales. Then it starts rolling through again… Yes, it looks like a way to make money off his brand while possibly getting a piece on the side. Attracts the next piece. sigh. I much prefer the Vancouver riot smoochers to any of this.
You’ve got a `wa sapparently ` typo, second paragraph.
I do wonder though, what about that video irks you? I’ll agree it’s sort of obnoxious, but it’s also pretty `exactly what I’d expect` from someone like that, and titled in that manner. Maybe it’s the media whirlwind over… something that could charitably be characterized as completely superfluous?
Think about it, I’m interested in your line of reasoning and thought process.