You’ve no doubt heard the joke about the guy who ends up in the emergency room with a bottle of shampoo lodged too far up his bum for at-home removal, claiming that he slipped and fell while taking a shower… Well, as many of us who have worked sex crisis hotlines (or those who have hospital ER shifts) can attest, these kinds of stories are not necessarily urban legends.
The South Florida Sun Sentinel bravely assembled a searchable database containing over 20,000 pages of emergency room records for the year 2011. (Each year, the Consumer Product Safety Commission samples emergency room injuries from 100 hospital safety commission surveys of hospital emergency room data from 100 hospitals across the United States.) From that, Buzzfeed created a list of items that got stuck inside people’s bodies – and added art to help us out with the visualizations.
Notably, they have categories for objects that were lodged in people’s vaginas, penises and anuses. You will cross your legs supertight and may need the Jaws of Life to get them open again from reading this list, from the “ball of yarn with knitting needle” (vagina) to “RIDING BICYCLE NAKED, LOST BALANCE, LANDED ON POLE CAUSING TRAUMA TO RECTUM.”
Sadly, a number of actual sex toys made the list, specifically ones lodged in the rectum that were not anal-safe in the first place. This is why we need the people and places that are selling sex toys to also be providing equal parts accurate health and safety information along with Big Bob’s Ballsy Supercock…
It’s the things stick into a penis that squick me more than the vaginal or rectal items.
I mean weren’t there like 5-6 sex toys in the rectal section? Not that I believe the guy about putting a jar in his ass to give his colon a nice wide off ramp.